“Home”. For the first half of my life, I could've told you where that was: 38205 Allen Rd S...
I'm sure that it's not a big secret but I've always felt like somewhat of an outsider. From what I've heard, a LOT of people feel this way as well, but hey, this is all about me right now!! I tend to be clumsy in my interactions with others and didn't really have any strong connections to anyone from my hometown. I wasn't friendless, but tended towards being a bit of a loner. I was so excited when my parents decided to sell our house and move us to a neighborhood in new, bigger town and we moved towards the end of my 9th grade year. What a nightmare! The move didn't make me less shy, more sociable, or suddenly possess cool clothes and a stylish haircut. At the old place, I had been going to a high school; where we moved, 9th grade was in a junior high where you were treated like a kid again. I didn't end up meeting very many people so when high school started, I'm sure many people figured I was from a different jr high. Outcast again!! And did I mention cliques? Did I mention over-protective parents?
After high school was finally, mercifully over, I decided to go to the state college that was farthest as possible from my parents’ house. I had some friends that were going there too but location was a big factor. I had to pick an in-state school (more affordable) and I didn't know what I wanted to do anyway. I got a small music scholarship but knew that my heart wasn't in it anymore and wouldn't last long in that program. The first couple weeks of college were pretty miserable. My “friends” weren't being friendly and lived in a different dorm. Then at some point, I decided that I didn’t need to be so damn shy. And I discovered the wonders of “liquid courage”. I had some great times in college, met a variety of people, didn't wisely use my time with book-knowledge but gained a lot of people skills and experiences that my parents had protected me from up until that point. I lived with a girl from California for the first half of my freshman year in the dorm, a room opened up and I think my roommate was tired of hearing me and my boyfriend making out in the middle of the night so she moved out after the first semester. The next couple years were spent with various roommates in some off campus apartments, a house with a hot-tub and 5 other roommates (that was the best!!), a duplex, back to the apartments, and then college was over. Without having landed a job with my newly acquired fine arts degree or having the faintest idea what I was going to do with it, I moved back home with my parents. That lasted two months. I missed the guy I was dating back in the college town and called my boss to see if I could get my bartending job back.
I lived with my boyfriend and his roommate for a year before my bartending job disappeared and the bf decided that we should move where he grew up and follow a business venture at a college. A small detail: he grew up on the opposite side of the states, 2000 miles away. Sure!! Why the hell not? I had never been there and it seemed like a good idea at the time. We moved in with his mother and grandma for a couple of months and then were supposed to move a couple hours away to get involved with the aforementioned business venture. He backed out and we were stuck in his hometown. We did get our own apartment, I can't remember for sure but I don’t think it lasted a year before I had enough and moved out. I know that people change over time but this was pretty drastic. He had somehow morphed into someone totally different, not the guy I had known for 5 years prior to dating and then lived with before making the cross country trek. I don’t jive well with “jealous” and “possessive” and can’t stay with someone who doesn’t believe in me. I wasn't making much money at the time, but one of my friends and her husband were so gracious as to take me in like the pathetic, stray dog that I am. I lived in two different houses with them until they moved closer to their original home to be near their sets of parental units after the birth of their child. I moved into my own apartment after they left and lived there for almost 3 years... until the latest move.
After living on the wrong coast for over 7 years, I was sure that my current boyfriend—we’ll call him “Mr. Wonderful”—and I would move away to a new town, on the correct coast, and live happily ever after. Well, we moved away, same coast but now in the South. I like our apartment, its brand new and has a dishwasher and washing machine included (a big improvement from the last place I lived!!), the cats are happy, Mr. Wonderful seems satisfied with his new job (the paycheck is the best part, I'm sure), and I... exist. I can't find a job to save my soul. I’m guessing that I could land a job at the local Mickey D's or whatever but I’m trying to land something that will help my career in the long run. I taught graphic design at a trade college for over 5 years but apparently, that doesn't make me qualified to actually do anything in the creative arena. Actually, the economy is really bad and nobody wants to pay for anything. So my days are often spent painting, drawing, watching TV, and/or in front of my lovely Mac. I spend time looking for jobs until I get distracted and end up looking at pictures of Googled things like “owl tattoos” and “Devon Rex cats” (some of my actual searched items today!). Hopefully I come across something soon; besides financial benefits and giving my life somewhat of a purpose, a job would give me a way to meet new friends. I have been pretty isolated here and though I love spending time with my boyfriend, I’m sure we could both use a break from each other now and then and socialize with other people... and not just on Myspace, Facebook, and text messaging.
So—to wrap up—I guess that home is where the heart is or some other trite thing. At the ripe age of 31, I'm not unhappy or disappointed like I’ve been in the past, I just need to settle in more I guess. I’m with the person that makes me smile the most, who has seen me at my best and worst and still tells me he loves me on a daily basis and means it every time. And in his arms, I am home.
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